The Truth

Ok, there are a billion books on parenting.  Most come with not so original ideas or thoughts, some are a little more scary and out there.  You can surely find one that will give you at least a little guidance but it will usually be pretty fuzzy and up to interpretation.  What I want to know is why is there not a Parental Truth book?  Why can’t someone go out and say, you are a new parent, here is the real crap low-down of what you will experience, along with the amazing highs!  I mean, what is everyone so scared of?  JUDGEMENT!!!  That’s what.  So, in my current 30 minute rebellious state of “I WILL NOT BE JUDGED”  which loosely translates to “I HOPE MY FRIENDS AND COWORKERS DON’T THINK LESS OF ME AS A MOM”… here goes.  What I have found as a parental truths.

1. Having natural childbirth sucks.  Get the pain medicine, do what you need to do but nobody really deserves to start the wonderful path of parenthood with that much agony.  Having the “I gave natural birth” badge is not worth it and I never even received mine!
2. Choose your own method of being a parent.  When it comes to anything, it’s your choice (with some well intentioned laws about roof over the head and basic needs) on whether or not you breastfeed or bottle feed, use cloth or disposable diapers, hold them all night or let them scream it out, send them to school or home-school, get their ears pierced at 6 months or 16 yrs, deciding when they can date, wear makeup, have sleepovers, and on and on and on.  It’s your decision.  If you decide something, just make sure you have what information you need and go forward.  Your sibs will SURELY do something different and your parents did something different and your friends may be totally appalled at what you decide but so what.  If they push it, tell them to kiss your butt and march on.  If your decision was wrong, you are the one that will have to sit in therapy with Moon Ray or whatever name you picked OR you will get to rejoice when the outcome turns out just perfectly.
3. Your stuff will get ruined and it will usually be your favorite something.  My first ever new expensive couch I ever bought had pink nail polish on it within a month.  My favorite quilt that was not from Target but from a quilt show had black sharpie on it the size of  your hand within 6 months.  My favorite summer flip flops were worn to a friends house, stepped in dog poop and thrown away.  It’s gonna happen, you can’t change it and you just have to let this one go by.  Flair up, get angry, tell them how pissed off you are but it will not remove the nail polish, sharpie or dog poo.
4. Allow other parents to step in if your kid is at their house/function/etc…  I have seen so many people allow children to run amok in their homes because they don’t want to upset Daisy or her mother by saying something.  If you are in my home, you have to follow my rules.  I am happy to tell you my rules ahead of time but if you don’t follow them, I am going to say something to you.  If you continue to not follow them, I am going to have your mom or dad come get you and take you out of my home.  (And you will probably not come back)    I am not saying spank someone else’s child if you are a spanker, I am not saying yell at them, shake them or anything else but certainly, if warranted, time out is appropriate.
5. When they are teens, which really means when they are @10 if they are girls and @14 if they are boys, they are going to become moody, they are going to test your very last nerve, they are going to not tell the truth if it is perceived as easier, they are going to ask you 10,000,000 times the same question in an effort to wear you down and get the answer they want, DON’T FALTER…  In my own experience, if you are honest with them and you are direct, they know what you want and will stay in line a little better than most.  Even the most perfect teenager… wait, HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHA… there is no such thing!  Even the BEST BEHAVED teenagers will push it sometimes.  Give them the rules, post them if you want and stick to them.  If you falter, even once, they know it could happen again and will try every time to get the exception.  I have found that if my daughter wants something outside of the rule list, she has to do extra to earn it.  BTW, I am not perfect at this either because there are no perfect parents.
6. Teach them how to be angry.  There are songs, stories, books, tv shows, movies and a ton of other materials that teach your kids how to be kind, happy, nice, honest, etc.  None teach them how to be angry.  It is a real emotion, they have to deal with it, teach them an affective way how to or you might end up with this…  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nojWJ6-XmeQ  I told my daughter that she is not allowed to be angry with someone (me) without coming to me and talking to me about it.  So far, this has worked.  If she is mad, she pushes me to get through the discussion and work out a solution.  I will never admit it to her but she is better at it than I am.  I am happy to be mad for a day or two, never say a word and go on as if nothing happened.  This ensures that it will happen again.  She comes to me, tells me she is not happy about something and even if I am fuming and don’t want to be around her or discuss whatever it is, she will not budge until we talk about it and have a resolution.
7. OK, we have all heard before that we are not supposed to be friends to our kids but parents.  I am all good with that, makes perfect sense.  When was the last time you heard of a teen telling their parents the deepest darkest secrets that are really only meant for other teen girls?  I have found that if I treat my daughter in a manner that she will come to me ESPECIALLY with those secrets, I can help guide her through some of the more difficult teen decision making times.  She knows that I am going to be in her business, I am going to check her FaceBook and email by logging in and reading it.  I am going to read her texts on her phone and look at everything she is doing.  Her friends are going to know it too.  When I see inappropriate comments, etc., I comment on it every time.  It was embarrassing to her the first couple of times but now, her friends know that I am out there and I am looking at their stuff and they adjust accordingly.  She has not lost any friends or been ostracized for this.  In fact, her friends now watch the postings and behavior for me.  When they see something out there, they say, “dude, u shld delete that. jourdans mom is reading this and wut u sayd is not nice”  (I added the teen text-type for fun.  hehe)  Her friends try harder to be polite and behave around me because they know what is ok and what is not.  I know teens are going to do stuff and try to be grown up by doing perceived grown up things.  That is ok and sometimes, I look over the little things but when it comes to life changing decisions, you should be there in their brain.  They should be coming to you to ask about how to manage those decisions when they come up because it is pretty likely, you will not be there when the time comes for them to say yes or no.
8. Being honest with your kids…  Hmmm… I find more disparity in this than just about anything.  I was always pretty brutally honest with mine.  She learned about the hard stuff early  and often.  I was a single parent, the dad was never in the picture.  He left prior to her birth and never looked back.  As hard as it is to have your child look at you and see you as not perfect, it is really a good teaching lesson for them to see your life as a how to or how not to type of example.  When you can make it personal, they seem to get it more.   It is ok to let your kids know you made mistakes and it is ok to let them see the outcome of those mistakes.  If you don’t, they may be in the mistaken thought that IT, whatever it may be only happens to other people.  Let them know that bad stuff can happen because of their decisions but also let them know how to fix it and move on.
9. You are never going to get your kids to stay on top of their chores, keep their room clean, keep up with all of their school work and extra activities and have a good attitude about it all.  They are going to HATE that you “help” them with managing it (yes, we really know you do manage it, just don’t tell them that) and they are going to kick the most horrific attitude and accusations at you at any given point if they think it will make you back off.  DON’T BACK OFF!!  When they go off to college and jump into a real world job, they will remember some of the tools you gave them, put them to practice and learn to be successful.
10. Let them fail.  It’s ok… failing at this point will not lose a house, ruin their credit, etc.  Failing at this point will teach them that they can recover from things, fix what needed to be fixed and move on.
11. Let them know you are disappointed.  Getting angry with kids is one thing, they can register that and move on.  They cannot function with disappointment.  If you are disappointed with a behavior, say so.  Say, you did action A and I am disappointed in you because action A means…   They will cry, get angry, apologize, etc.  Let them go through this process and don’t falter.  Even telling them that you are disappointed and you would rather not be around them for 2 hours is ok.  Don’t use it all the time but once you do, be prepared for the knife that will go through your heart by pushing your away your child when crocodile tears are running down their cheeks.  It is a very strong statement but it will produce a long lasting memory of that behavior’s outcome.  When it’s all over, hug them and let them know how much you love them.  This part really makes you feel better as much as them.
12. The older they get, the more stinging their responses can be.  It’s part of learning how to argue and it will sting a lot.  They don’t mean it, they did not really want to hurt you.  Let them know they hurt your feelings and move on.
13. Make them do work as a punishment.  We have pine trees.  LOTS of them.  Therefore, we have a ton of pine cones.  The worst thing a kid wants to do, especially when they are in trouble, is pick up pine cones.  Make them do it.  If you don’t have pine trees, picking up sticks, pulling weeds, cleaning the garage, wiping baseboards are all good substitutes.  Manual labor is used by most of our country as a punishment because it works.  Make them do a good job and complete the job and then follow up on why they had to do it and praise them for doing a good job picking up the pine cones, sticks, weeds, etc.

There is probably a lot more.  These are just the ones that stick out in my head.  Add your truths in the comments if you like, there are probably tons that I don’t know or could use reassurance on that other parents are dealing with the same things.  Being a parent is the best thing that ever happened to me.  Parenting sometimes really sucks. 

20 Gozillion Pounds

Sometimes, it just feels like you have 20 gozillion pounds to carry around.  I don’t know why but it does.

You start off with your family because that is the most important and biggest load.  Your husband, your kids, your pets all get strapped on like you are a tribal woman carrying her valuables on her back.  The love you give comes easily and is returned which makes this load feel lighter than it is which is tricky because you think you have so much more strength.  You care for them, feed them, talk to them, fight with them, nurture them and so on.  Is it a full-time job? YES, but a rewarding one that comes with a huge paycheck if you don’t muck it up.  Getting fired from this one is hard to recover from.

Then comes your home.  It is the place you go to work to be a mother, wife, caretaker, nurturer… well, you get the point.  But it is not like other jobs.  Not only do you have tasks to complete, you have to take care of it and make sure it is a place your family will want to be.  This is where you become the cook, cleaner, laundry engineer and scheduler for all of your employees (the kids) and coworkers (your husband) so everything gets done.  Let’s be honest, it does not ever all get done but nice to think it might, one day.  Is this a full-time job?  YES.  Not as rewarding as the first full-time job you have but it is nice when someone comments on how lovely your home is and you nonchalantly wave your hand as if it just comes easily and with little time input.

Then comes your social schedule.  By this, I do not mean your downtime with friends, parties, dinners and such.  I am referring to your kids and all of the extra curricular activities they have going on.  PTA, volunteering at school, sports, academic clubs, social clubs, community service organizations and let’s don’t forget the extensive brownie/cookie/cake baking that must be done at a moments notice.  That really means at 6am the day it is due since you were not told prior to this.  For this reason alone, I now keep cake/cookie/brownie mix in the cupboards most of the time.  Now, this COULD be a full-time job but it really is a 60% job.  If you did not have to do all of the other stuff, this alone may not fill up 40 hours a week but could get pretty close.  The more kids you have, of course, the higher this percentage goes.

Now comes YOUR REAL social schedule.  This is not a lot because you have probably worked your friendships into the things your kids participate in and you fool yourself into thinking that a PTA meeting was a social event.  Yes, sure, you have friends from before kids but really, how many of these people do you see and how often?  And besides, who wants to call this a job.  This is the bonus for the other stuff.  The girls night out, the happy hour (or two) after work…  They are needed in order to keep your sanity so you WANT to do the other stuff.

Now, do you work outside of the home?  I do.  So right there, tack on another 40 hours to your load.  AND, unless you have some sort of dream job that I have not heard of, there is always stress with this one.  Heck, even Disney park characters have to put up with crap sometimes.  Try working with a bunch of engineers.  HA  There is always the yearly “am I going to get laid off” part, the part about really not liking your boss so that could go south and the “OH GREAT, a 2% raise” part that everyone loves.  That last one also adds stress to the home job since it affects your finances, adds stress to the kids social schedule since it may limit them and SURELY limits your REAL social schedule.

So, you have all of this stuff and more you are carrying around on your back.  I know you feel it, it is right on the back of your neck where the heaviest part of the load sits.  You roll your head from side to side to try and ease the load and maybe shift the difficult parts around but it is always there.  Sometimes it gets so heavy, you feel it bearing down across the front of your head in the form of a headache or in the pit of your stomach.  What happens when you add something?  An illness with you, your kids?  A sick parent? Loss of a job? Concern for a friend? Financial worries? Problems in your marriage? Problems within your family? Even little things like a disagreement with someone close or not?  Is there a time it is okay to drop part of the load?  If so, which part?  How do you say, I am not going to do what I agreed to do as a mother, wife, employee, friend?  How do you step back and take what you need to be strong enough to be successful at all of those things?

I see so many (people, family, friends, co-workers, me) carrying so many things and I don’t think we know how to put anything down.  I know I don’t.  If someone throws in one more thing, you are likely to see some unwashed, mumbling woman walking down the street trying to figure out where the cat food is and I don’t have cats!

Next week is Thanksgiving.  I am going to put some stuff down, relax, enjoy our kids and savor the joy of what my load brings to me.  The stress will have to wait until December!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and I wish you the very best during this joyous Holiday Season and hope you get to take a load off! 

 

How do you say…

We all have those difficult times when you have to tell something you don’t want to.  You have to tell someone no when you know their heart is aching for a yes…  when you have to say I’m sorry when you know that you did not do anything wrong or worse, you did…  when you have to tell the truth and would rather keep silent…  and worst of all, when you have to look in someone’s eyes and tell them you are sorry for their loss but know it will never be okay and what you are saying is not making it any better.

Saying no is so much harder now that my daughter is 13 than it ever was when she was a little girl.  Well, before last year anyway.  She does not have a difficult life, she has lots of friends, grown ups that love her and watch after her and she can make the biggest crocodile tears in the world appear during a plea for a yes.  Generally, she is good with an answer, even though she might ask 17,000 times to try and get a different answer, she knows we are not going to change our minds.  But on some rare occasions, she can be quite compelling.  Her eyes well up, one giant tear falls onto her cheek and BOOM, I am transformed in the most evil of witches (in my own eyes) and hate that I have brought such despair to such a perfect princess.  In my heart, I know better.  I know that the answer I have given will save her TONS of heartache or time or bad grades or something…  I am the mom, right?  I am supposed to give those types of answers.  It’s what we do and thank goodness, sometimes, she gets it.  As posted on her FaceBook page recently (yes, I read her FB to get feedback) and I will quote EXACTLY… “No matter what we might go through and how i may act… I love you mommy and doug. “  I will take that any day of the week.

Saying I am sorry can be so much harder than “no”.  Whether I know I did something wrong or not, it is hard to say I am sorry.  It is a face to face admission of doing something to someone else the upset them, made their day go sour or worse.  It is an admission of guilt even if I don’t think I did anything but the good thing here is that once it is out and handed over to the other party, I feel so much better.  It has to be done with sincerity though.  If not, the offended party may accept it but deep down, I will still feel guilty.

Truth.  Well, that one is a whole other bag of nuts.  It is easy to not tell a lie but the truth, well, sometimes that is really hard to tell when you know you have to but don’t want to.  Do you mention it to a friend when she has a poppy seed in her teeth?  Yes?  Do you tell that same friend when her breath is bad?  Or when that guy is just not right for her?   Or that you think she is drinking too much?  Some truths are easy to say but some can be hurtful.  I have a great wonderful friend who will tell me the truth from the poppy seed kind all the way up the ladder and I love her for it.  I have known her since we were 15 and I think her willingness to be honest with me no matter what is the basis of that friendship.  ILU Rosie!

The last one is by far the most difficult but if you can do it, you are actually giving a gift.  It is having to face someone who has met with a pain you cannot fathom, the loss of a husband, parent, child, friend, baby or even news of an illness.  It is telling them that you are sorry they are sad and in pain and they feel like their world will never the same and it is trying to hold their hand and drying their tears when they can’t sleep or eat and it is keeping them afloat when they want to go under.  It never feels good but it is needed.  This is when you sprout your angel on earth wings.  No matter how hard of a time you have facing it, it is really just something as a friend or family member you must do.  That is why it is a gift.  It is saying, I am here, I will hold you, I am sorry and you can fall on me.

What do you have difficulty saying?  Are you challenged in these areas?

Vs.

I don’t know if you remember but back in maybe middle school, you may have learned about different types of conflict in literature.  Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, Man vs. Himself… well, you get the point.

Somehow, I think that was taught to us in order to really get us in tune with what the rest of our lives would be.

Currently, my life is full of all kinds of vs.

Me vs. My Teenage Daughter.  This is not necessarily a bad one, or not as bad as it could be.  She is a happy go lucky kind of girl and my vs. with her is usually more around giving her space and letting her spend time with her friends.  I want her to stay my beautiful, largely unaffected, wonderful little girl and she is fighting me every step of the way to grow up and spread her wings.  I love the moments when I get a head on the shoulder from her or when she comes to lie down with me and talk.  The best times are car times when she just opens up her world to me.  Oh, I would drive to California and back  during those times.  Sure, she moves as slow as molasses and it burns my butt sometimes but overall, I could not ask for a better kid.  I won this one.

Me vs. My Job.  I love 98% of what I do.  Even the 2% I could find something to love if I could like the people I have to deal with during those times.  It might even get easier if I could find a poker face but so far, I don’t have one so I am doomed to learn how to get along.    I consider this one a tie.

Me vs. Nature.  Thanks to my husband, I get to do more of this than I did before.  We go fishing…  we don’t catch much but it sure is lovely to get up early and go out with him to some quiet place on the water.  We don’t talk much but the chatter is not needed.  We just enjoy our time together.  I wish we could do it more.  This weekend, we went tubing in Helen, GA.  There were a few minutes in the beginning that we both were extremely frustrated but once we let the river take over and lead us instead of us trying to lead it, we had a fantastic, relaxing time.  I would go again and so would he.  I win here too.

Me vs. Time.  Hmmm… I have yet to figure this one out.  I tend to give more than I have and commit to things without checking on how much time I have taken for myself.  HOWEVER…  This is how I see it.  I give a lot to Girl Scouts.  What I get?  Time with my teenage daughter.  Time with like minded women who believe that any extra programming that we can provide to our girls is a fantastic opportunity.  Scholarship opportunity for my child.  Opportunities for girls, including mine, who might not have had the chance to do that event, trip, etc. otherwise.  Each time I see a girl earn an award, my heart swells with pride for them.  It means they have stepped up, taken on a challenge, completed the tasks and learned something new that will expand their future horizons.  I get more than I give here so I win hand over fist on this one!

Me vs. Our Home.  I lost here!  I can’t seem to keep up.  Really, I am a little ok with it.  I would like it if I could keep up and I am sure my husband would too since he usually gets the brunt end of this deal but at the end of the day, it is not too horrible.

Me vs. The Hard Stuff.  I don’t think I am winning here but I am learning a lot about me and the kind of person I am.  For the first time in my life, I am doing things the way I think they should be done instead of bowing to someone elses wishes or opinions.  It is hard for people to accept this about me but I am ok with it.  It feels kind of good to make my own decisions and stand by them, right or wrong.  The cost can by high and I hate that part but at some point, I believe I needed to be my own person.

So really, if I look at the grand scheme of things, like Charlie Sheen, I am winning.  Knowing this helps during the down times or the difficult spots.  My message here?  Be grateful, volunteer lots, love your family no matter what and do the right thing.  The last one is the hardest.  Especially if doing the right thing means going out of your way and taking time from your loved ones to do something for someone who has not been kind to you but I am learning and growing.  Still…

Mom, Mother, Mum, Taxi Driver, Cook, etc…

So, tomorrow is the day.  The day to celebrate and rejoice in being a mom.  It is time to enjoy the breakfast in bed.  You all remember those.  My first one was a bowl with toast at the bottom, two strawberries, a slice of Kraft cheese, some syrup and an egg, all warmed in the microwave.  And you don’t get a choice, you have to eat it and smile and be thankful for it.  If you are lucky, you get something to drink with it, I wasn’t…   BUT, for the total payout I get from being a mom, I  can take it.  I have a daughter that is amazing.  She is not perfect but she is perfect for me.  I used to tell her that when God put her in my stomach, He picked us for each other because He knew we would be a perfect match and she used to smile when I said it as if she knew it to be the truth too.

My little girl can pull out all of the stops and make the most amazing cards or pick the most wonderful gifts that always make me cry.  Her heart is huge and she carries mine right with it.  You know the saying, “Making the decision to have a child – It’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” by Elizabeth Stone…  It’s the truth.  When I first looked at my child, a fist went into my chest and I physically felt my heart go over to her.  It was religious, amazing, happy, wonderful and I have never felt anything like it before or since.

I love being a mom.  The horrible parts that we all face do not come so often and they become good lessons for parent and child and the great, wonderful, happy parts are frequent.

My little girl will be a teen this summer and she is becoming more and more independent.  She has grown into the most beautiful young woman and I am so very proud of her. I could not have asked for more.

And yet, this year, I gained more.  I now have four more kids to hold under my wings.  Hunter, Tyler, Madison and McKenna.  I always wanted more kids and Doug has given me that wonderful gift.  While I might not have grown them within me, I still love them and ache when they are gone.  They are beautiful, amazing, wonderful kids full of life and tons of energy!  Hunter is strong and silent.  He is sweeter than he wants you to think he is and as tough as they come.  Tyler is smart and very loving.  He is the first to give hugs and is always good for a cuddle.  Madison has shown me what it is like to earn a child’s love.  She is beautiful and loves to spend time in the kitchen with me.  McKenna is a firecracker who loves to entertain us all and will not be left out because she is the youngest.  She can hang with the best of them.

I have much to celebrate tomorrow and wish they were all here to celebrate with me.  I look forward to the day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my mom friends out there.  Have a wonderful day.

The good…

So, seems like planning a wedding is SOOO much more than planning an event for any other occasion. I have done hundreds of the latter on my own for upwards of 2,000 people and have been successful and enjoyed it. Apparently, when you plan a wedding, there are emotions and baggage involved and I have learned from it.
I have learned that I love some people more than I thought.
I have learned that some people cannot be out of your life, no matter how hard you or they might try.
I have learned that no matter the age you are at your wedding, you will grow and take in new lessons that probably should have been learned years ago.
I have learned that sometimes, friends can hold you up when you can’t do it yourself.
and finally,
I have learned to not sweat the small stuff. (And by small stuff, I mean big stuff but you don’t have control over it so you just can’t sweat it!)

The only important part of the day is that you will be standing in front of the person you love, promising to honor, love and care for them until your death and they are doing the same for you. You would like to do this in front of the people you care most about in the world and sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. You would like for people to put all of the crippity-crap away and have a nice day with you, again, sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t. It is all ok. The REAL thing is the promise and the bond you are making with your partner. In eleven days, at 6pm, in Port St. Joe, Florida, I am going to marry Doug. I am not nervous, I am not scared and I don’t worry about my decision. For all that has been sacrificed in order for us to have our relationship, we work together and we do it well. I can’t wait to see what our future brings.

So, the school year is winding down soon and so is Girl Scouts. We are so very proud of our troop and all the girls that come back year after year and REALLY salute the leaders that come back and keep the girl interested.

Our troop has earned the Silver Award, the 2nd highest award in Girl Scouts and 1/2 of them will be bridging at the end of this year. The other half will bridge next year when they go in to the 9th grade.

They have done enough fund raising this year to take a trip up the East Coast and we are so excited. We are taking 12 girls and we are going to stop in Colonial Williamsburg, Washington DC (With a White House Tour), and Virginia Beach. I cant wait for this trip and I am so looking forward to experiencing this with them.

Have you taken your kids or a group of kids anywhere? What was your best experience or funniest incident?

We are now looking at taking the troop to Europe in three years. We are looking at London, Paris and Switzerland and hope to visit Pax Lodge in London and Our Chalet in Adelboden.

Any advice, recommendations, places to see/stay would be appreciated for either trip!

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For the Love of…

At first, I began writing today out of frustration and a little bit of bitterness. After the third paragraph of ranting, I decided to shift my focus of frustration and go at it another route.

I find that I am forever learning. Things I thought I should be teaching my daughter, the life lessons, I am still trying to pick up on and understand. I think I missed the boat somewhere.

If you don’t know something, learn it.
If you find something broken, fix it.
If you see someone in need, help them.
If you see an injustice, speak out about it.
And so forth…

Basically, do the right thing, even if you are not being watched, not sure how to do it and it could make you fall off a cliff, that is what you are supposed to do. Really, they should not be called life lessons but life tests or even life traps sometimes.

Most of the time, you can look at these little requirements of “right doing” while standing in the sunshine, twirling your daisy chain and they sound as if in perfect harmony with the world around you. Some of the time, they really can make your life suck. How do you keep on doing these things when the recipient of your help/volunteerism/offering blasts you for helping? How do you keep your chin up when you know an answer but you are barked at for speaking it? How do you stay in a place where injustices are being handed out but the tops are wearing blinders so they don’t see what is happening in their own space, let alone across the pasture and they don’t really want to see the truth?

Usually, it is my father I speak to when I get into a situation that I am going to have to learn some new life test. His usual response is, “No good deed goes unpunished”. I don’t want to live in that realm. I want to live in the sunshine realm but having trouble finding it. I want people to understand that when someone offers advice, it is because they want your day/experience/whatever to be a better one. When someone offers a hand, it is because they see that you might be falling and they want to ease the pain of the crash and when someone speaks out, it is because they see you are not being heard.

I love the idea of paying it forward. Maybe we should also consider thanking it backwards.

Just a thought.

Asta

Sometimes, you get 2 scoops

I attended a meeting a while back where one of my previous managers stated… sometimes, you go to get a scoop of ice cream and you get lucky and get 2 scoops. Yes, my life is full of 2 scoops.

I co-lead a Cadette Girl Scout Troop with some fantastic women. This weekend, in the midst of moving in the rain, our Girl Scout troop was scheduled to finish off the work and delivery of their Silver Award. The girls had decided last year they wanted to partner up with an assisted living facility in the area and while we were nervous about what all that could mean personally and schedule wise, we, as a troop, moved forward. The girls spoke to the director, pitched their ideas, developed a plan based on the feedback and put the project into motion. What they were looking to do was to provide some entertainment and maybe brighten a few days. What they got in return was far greater. The feedback I received after the event was more than I considered from a group of 12-14 year old middle school girls and I did not give them enough credit. They talked about how it was nice that they felt more comfortable once they understood they did not need to be scared of the aged population. (ok, they did not say aged but it is better than saying “old people”…) The girls mentioned that they noticed how much happier people seemed when they interacted with them and how much they seemed to “wake up” when the girls would try to hold their hand or put an arm around them. That is my 2nd scoop. The girls learned more than what it is like to help someone, they learned about a whole new generation they can connect with. Even our quietest, shyest one was connecting with someone and sharing with her. It was amazing and of course… I cried. (I do that a lot)

I could not ask for a better group of parents or a better group of girls for our troop. We would not be the same if one single girl left and I am glad to know them all and be in their lives if even just a little.

What are your 2nd scoops? Do you ever see them in your daily life?

Do you lead an older girl troop? How do you guide them into discussion of Bronze, Silver and Gold award projects? Do you find this challenging?

Bedtime

I have said it before and I will say it again. MOVING SUCKS! BUT, today, Doug was here and saved the day!! Jourdan pretty much kept time with him and together, they got the majority of it done. It made me think of a few things.

First, quit putting things on my calendar. As a mom of a middle schooler and a Girl Scout Leader, I have too much on my calendar. Today – Moving, Volleyball Tryouts. Tomorrow – Moving, Silver Award Project. Tuesday – SU Meeting and on and on.

I do find it hard to say no and not put things on my plate but what is so hard about that is that it means that I end up saying no to Jourdan when I do. How do I limit her activities because my calendar is full? She does not do a ton of things, at least not a many things as many of her friends. Just Volleyball, School Play, Girl Scouts… But I participate in them with her, so if I say no, she gets a no too. Hmmm, will have to ponder that one.

Some of the moms I talk to have their kids in dance,plays, sports, Girl Scouts. Not sure how they do it all. I surely do not want to keep up with the Jones’ on that one.

G’night and see you tomorrow.

Asta